Thursday, January 12, 2006
~ a few home truths ~
Somewhere over the atlantic, 23:00 EST, 04:00 GMT

Ok so English people aren't that good at various things. Getting through the day without at least three cups of tea, inventing sports and then becoming bad at them, conquering vast swathes of land and then losing them to name just three. But we're also not that good at displaying emotion, letting our guard down and generally talking about our feelings. Well, I'm about to break that mould, for better or for worse (words I hope to hear in a different context in about 7 months).

I've just had to do the hardest thing I ever have to do in my life at the moment. Leave Stephanie at Cincy airport, and return to the UK. This time it's only for three weeks (not quite that) thank goodness, but it's not the first nor the last time it'll have to happen, and it hurts me every time I have to do it.

My Christmas post was pretty normal, telling everyone that we had a great time, ate too much, got lots of amazing presents, spent time with wonderful people and generally had the time of my life. But there's more to it than that, because this last Christmas was very important for me, being the first I have spent with Stephanie. Our relationship has been one wonderful day after another, and we have had one amazing experience after another. I have learnt so much about her from her own lips, and from her mother, family and friends. I love Stephanie more than anything, with each new thing I learn. Some relationships bring out the worst in people, especially when one person makes the other feel smaller, or a lesser person than they have the potential to be. I feel lucky in that Stephanie makes me feel like the biggest, best possible person I can be in life; she helps me with my objectivity, my faith (something which has always confused me a bit and which I had lost to an extent) and my confidence in our lives to come.

I am also more proud of her than I could possibly put down in words. We all know that things are never simple and easy for any of us, but I think she's had a hard time, and I want to put down how I think it was hard for her to move home when her relationship with her parents wasn't ideal; to watch her father suffer and care for him and her mother all the while, to give up her promising career (I've now heard her sing live, which was as good as I knew it would be and has made me determined to encourage her to take up singing and acting in London) and start life again. I love her perseverance with the Masters course, and her determination to see it through and hold down a job at the same time. I know other people do this, and I know I'm boasting, but I think I'm allowed to! I just hope I bring out the best in her so that she can continue to grow and achieve things throughout life.

And you lot, her friends, have a lot of responsibility for the way she is, too, in your support and love for her, which I have experienced towards me whenever I visit. I want to thank you all for that, too. Truthfully it'd be a lot easier for me to move to Kentucky at the moment, as I feel I have a group of friends already. I was thinking about how hard it would be to emigrate when on the plane to the US in December; I tried to put myself in that position and within 30 minutes I was so scared! The first thing I said to Stephanie when I saw her was "please don't change your mind!" It's something I have to help her with, moving countries, and I feel prepared for that. We want you all to come to visit as well, though!

So I'm going to try to get some sleep now, and I will post this next week when I get back onto the internet with my laptop. I just wanted to put down a little bit of how lucky I am, because I realise it every day and want to shout about it sometimes!

And Steph - even though we're apart, you're in my heart and head every minute of every day, and I love you and thank you for your love in return. xxx
posted by: Chris | 6:50 PM | 6 comments